Category Archives: Spirituality

Are You Running Nowhere Fast?

There are many things we do to distract ourselves from processing the bad stuff we experience daily. My hunch is that you have been running nowhere fast.

 

Let’s face it, the bad stuff just doesn’t really feel good at all. It is not appealing to think about facing those feelings that seek to cause you discomfort and heartache. Face those thoughts that dredge up old memories. Look at those deep dark places within you that threaten to expose your most vulnerable parts. The bad stuff starts to surface and the instinct that rises to the surface is to run and find a way to make those feelings go away.

There are so many things we do to run away. There is denial, destruction, avoidance, over-indulgence, and even depression. We find whatever ways we can, whether consciously or not, to avoid having to feel all that bad crap and keep ourselves moving forward.

What makes this worse these days, is the focus on thinking positive. We have gotten to this place where everyone seems to have the same answer for anyone’s problems…”Just think positive.” It’s almost a sign of weakness or something if you make an attempt to go into the yucky stuff that may be surfacing. And yes, focus and mindset are a major component in succeeding at any goal and a big part of what I teach all of my clients.

So that begs the question of what you are supposed to do when the inevitable moments of feeling the bad stuff come up. Can you just positively think your way out of having to face them?

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A Perspective of Hope in the Wake of Charlottesville

Charlottesville. We all have the choice to seize the opportunity presented to us and make a difference. Life is happening in service of us, not to us.

 

I simply have felt compelled to write….

I remember the days after Donald Trump was elected president, feeling as though permission had now been granted for hatred and evil to be released into our world. I remember feeling scared and afraid, a sense of foreboding that things were about to get really bad. I have prayed, I have worried, and I have cried in the days that have followed and I imagine, this will not be ending soon.

As the days have gone by, I have tried to make sense of things and somehow wrap my head around how any of this can actually be reality in 2017. If I am honest, I really should not be surprised as I know, in the deepest place in my soul, that nothing can be healed when it has been buried. Yes, we have come a long way over the years on the surface, but underneath all of it, there has been a steady flow of racism, sexism, heterosexism, and anti-Semitism present in our world and unfortunately, since we have only sought to bury the past, it seems that these opinions have only grown in strength for many.

Over this past weekend, I was devastated and sick to my stomach watching the images of Charlottesville unfold. I felt like someone had kicked me in my gut when I heard Donald Trump respond with blame on all sides and refuse to acknowledge the woman, Heather Heyer, whose life was taken as a result of this ignorant and disgusting display of humanity. It was in these moments that I knew my fears had come into fruition and that evil had absolutely been given permission to come forth.

As a spiritual woman, I have struggled with my beliefs over the past few days, attempting to understand how all of this can be happening in the abundant universe of love and support that I believe in. What could possibly be the reason, what could possibly be the purpose?

One of the things I write and speak most about is how everything, even the worst of our struggles, is an opportunity and a gift from the universe, offering the possibility for growth and healing. Life is happening for us, in service of us, not to us. I truly believe in what I teach and have sought to understand how I can apply this belief to what is happening in our world today. And I want to share this perspective with you here today.

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Change Is So Freaking Easy….Right!!

Make a decision to start your journey of change. Commit to take daily actions and let go of your fears that are holding you back from achieving your dreams

 

Change is easy, right?

I mean, you make the decision that you want to change, need to change, and then you just do it. You take the necessary steps, one right after the other until you reach your goal of change. There is nothing else to it… make the decision, take the steps, enjoy the benefits.

So then, what’s the problem??

Change is probably one of the absolute hardest things for most people to wrap their heads around. As humans, we seek out the comfort and stability of what we know, what we are used to. It makes us feel safe. It makes us feel secure. We prefer comfort and security so much over the unknown and change that most people will remain in the unhappiest of situations for way too long, possibly forever. The unhappiest of situations is somehow less frightening, less overwhelming, than the uncertainty of what’s ahead. 

Overall, we would rather be miserable than face the unknown.

When you read this, are you shocked? Or does a part of you secretly relate to what I am saying, knowing on some level that it is true? I imagine you are being reminded of the promises you have made to eat healthy, the exercise routines you committed to in the past, the toxic relationships in your life that eat away at your soul. Some of you have probably been quitting your soul sucking job for years or leaving a loveless marriage for decades, yet you can’t seem to get further than a few Google searches and possibly a couple of conversations with friends. Each and every day, the act of staying where you are drains the life right out of you, your tradeoff for not having to move forward into a life of unknowns.

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Abandoned…Deserted…Left Behind. Is This You??

left behind

 

Abandoned…. Deserted…. Left behind….

These are the terms I hear so many women use to describe how they feel after a divorce or break-up, even from those who were the ones to leave. There is shock around watching their significant other move on with their life in a quick and seemingly painless manner. There are endless thoughts about whether or not they ever really mattered, if they were ever really loved. There is question after question about how someone they believed in so much could simply abandon everything they had.

Abandoned…. Deserted…. Left behind….

When I hear these terms I feel something inside me stir. I have felt these feelings tear through me like a knife, endlessly ripping away at my heart, and wondering how I would ever mend the wounds that were created. These feelings ate away at me in a manner that I couldn’t seem to escape. I obsessed about it to the point of making myself sick, falling to my knees endless nights asking “Why?” “Why?”

The answers never seemed to come, no matter how many times I asked and no matter how hard I tried.

Until one day they did and I understood why there was so much pain.

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How to Get Through the Dreaded Year of Firsts!

How to Get Through your Dreaded Year of Firsts! It's important to have someone who can give you the tools you need to take back ownership of your life

 

Your marriage has ended and now it is time for you to begin learning to live a new life, a life that seems foreign, and a life that you probably felt you have been plucked into without any warning. . Whether you have ended your marriage by choice or not, having to recalibrate and learn new ways of being will be a reality for all. There will be holidays, tasks and responsibilities, places, and people that will all seem new and unreal. You will be challenged and triggered along the way as you attempt to steady yourself along unsteady ground. You will feel scared and unsure as you begin to root yourself into this new way of being. You may cry out against the unfairness of it all as you struggle to learn new skills and create new memories.

I remember being in this place like it was yesterday. I remember feeling slighted by the deck of cards life seemed to have handed me. Learning to live my life completely on my own without someone there to run things by or pick up the slack was terrifying to me. I felt lost, I felt scared, and I felt pissed. Mixed in with that was my struggle to experience life on my own, a life that kept going on, day by day, even though it sure felt to me like life should just stop right in its tracks. Every holiday that came, every person I faced, and every place that I went served as a reminder to all that I had lost and the uncertainty of what lies ahead.

About 4 days after my Ex and I separated, I celebrated my 34th birthday. That painful night would mark the first of too many firsts that I would have to experience. Little did I know that hole in my chest, that feeling like something was missing, that sense of being off balance would pop up over and over throughout the next year.

Going through all of this was painful and scary, but along the way I learned and I grew. With each day that passed, I discovered tools, techniques, and wisdom that helped to empower me and make me stronger. I found a steadiness and truth that resided in my heart, and I know now, I would not have found this had I not gone through that challenging year of firsts.

And so today, I want to share what I learned so I can help you as you make your way through your year of firsts.

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3 Most Common Mistakes Women Make After a Break Up!

We all make mistakes. They are a necessary part of your growth. Learn about the 3 most common mistakes women make after a breakup.

 

The period after a break-up can be the most challenging for most, it is unchartered waters. No matter who you are and how much you have prepared yourself in life, your heartbreak can be devastating and an experience that feels very heavy and confusing. As I work with women finding their way during this time, there are definite patterns of behavior that are common.

One of these patterns is the 3 most common mistakes women make after a break up:

Mistake #1 – Focusing your energy in all the wrong places.

After a break-up, it can be so easy to focus on all the things that were done “TO” you and convince yourself what a complete jerk your Ex was and is. You can find yourself obsessing about what happened and trying to figure out why it happened. You may start thinking about who or what your Ex is doing right now and feel like shit because he isn’t doing it with you.

Or on the flip side, it can be easy to say “screw it” and just totally distract yourself from feeling anything at all. You might start dating men like they are going extinct, or even jump right back into another relationship, or start drinking and partying to have “much deserved” fun.

Here’s the thing…choosing to deal with a break up in either of these ways is a huge mistake. You cannot actually heal and move on from obsessing about someone else nor can you do so by distracting yourself from the pain. The only way to the other side is to go through it and a break up is actually a freaking awesome opportunity to focus on YOU. To give yourself some extra TLC, learn a ton about who you are and what you truly desire. Take an honest look at what you need to work on, and “level up” in your life so that you can continue to grow and expand into the woman you have the potential to be.

The more time you take to focus on you after your break up, the better prepared you will be for the type of love you truly desire in your heart. The quicker you will truly be living your life of joy!

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4 Questions You MUST Ask Yourself in Every Relationship

Here are four questions you should ask yourselves in your relationship. All answers to your questions are within you, if you only have the courage listen.

Do you struggle with knowing how to decipher your head from your heart?
Do you find yourself unsure about the relationships you are in, or the ones you are considering, and have no clue what to do?
Do you ignore those little instinctual feelings, the voice that gives you a warning, talking yourself out of following your own inner guidance?

There once was a time when I would have answered “Yes” to every one of these questions. I struggled in my relationships, unsure of why I didn’t feel like I could fully be myself and questioning what was wrong with me. I didn’t know how to trust my instincts and would question myself at every turn.

As you can imagine, this got me into a ton of situations that did not serve me and kept me invested in toxic relationships for far too long. I was basically sacrificing my own peace and happiness because I hadn’t learned how good relationships were supposed to feel. Convinced that it must be something I was doing wrong, I would expend so much energy and effort trying to adjust and make allowances for the things that didn’t feel good or right in my heart.

And I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt right now, that plan did not work at all. I stayed in a toxic marriage way too long and even convinced myself to attempt a reconciliation. I dated men who didn’t align with me and the journey I was on. I even created and invested in superficial relationships that didn’t serve me or the other person. I was spinning my wheels trying to figure out how I was supposed to decipher between the feelings in my heart and the thoughts in my head whenever something felt off while my mind convinced me that I must be crazy.

As I talk with clients, I see so many women struggling through the same thing when either dating a new partner or considering a reconciliation with a past partner. They find themselves confused and unclear, not sure of what they are really supposed to do.
I tell my clients that the answer to every question they can ever have is:

Learn to listen and have the courage to follow your intuition, even if it doesn’t make sense where it is leading you.

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Why Daily Rituals are so Dang Important!!

Rituals are non-negotiable habits you intentionally create for yourself. Consistent follow-up of these rituals will help bring to you the life you desire.

 

There is a quote that I absolutely love and I believe is so important that it hangs over my desk for me to see daily. This quote states “The quality of your rituals determines your success.” Rituals are a huge indicator of your mindset, the life you create each day, and therefore your overall success.

So, what are rituals?

Rituals are non-negotiable habits that you intentionally create in service of your higher purpose. Basically, they are a routine of behaviors connecting you to the best parts of yourself that you perform every single day. And, they are powerful.

When you make a decision to change or what I like to call “level up,” this means to improve, grow, or set forth to live to your potential. There will be challenges. Not only will you have to overcome things, but you will actually notice that your situation or life circumstances may even get worse before they get better. I’m not totally sure why this happens, maybe it is the universe testing you, but I do know it has a purpose.

I like to think of it a training. Let’s say for example you were to decide today to become a professional dancer. You wouldn’t just snap your fingers and be there. You would have to practice, face challenges, and things would certainly get worse before they got better. I imagine you would experience pain, frustration, resistance, and a whole slew of obstacles you would need to overcome. I am also guessing you would entertain the thought of giving up on a daily basis. All of this would be necessary though for you to learn the skills needed for you to be a professional dancer.

And I imagine this all sounds familiar, as this is the same when you decide to create a new lifestyle or “level up.” You are facing challenges and overcoming obstacles necessary for you to learn the skills needed for you to live at your potential. Before things start to make sense and have a flow to them, they will get worse, and the thing that will keep you going and get you to where you want to be are your daily rituals. 

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How to dig yourself out of an emotional hole

Allow yourself the space to navigate through your difficult times. This shall soon pass. Call a friend, tell them you feel like crap and need to vent out.

 

How to get through it

Many people believe that once you are healed you don’t have to go through the pain and struggle anymore. Like somehow you learn how to never again let anything bother you, and you can walk around happy and positive all the time. That somehow, everything simply rolls off your shoulders and you can greet every single negative occurrence in your life with a big smile on your face. If you get upset or are in a funk, then that must mean there is something wrong with you, and you have somehow fallen a thousand steps back in your healing process.

Well, it simply just isn’t true.

No matter how far along you get in your healing process and no matter how joyful and free your life becomes, you will still go through difficulties and challenges. You will get angry, upset, frustrated, and even get down on yourself. You will have moments where you want to scream and even end up in the occasional funk.

Throughout the rest of your life, you will continue to peel back layers of yourself and grow as a human into the person you are created to be. This process will straight up suck sometimes, no matter how evolved your spirit is and how on point your mindset gets. So, when you find yourself in a funk or having a bad day, it does not mean that you are going backwards or that you are “never” going to heal, it just means you are human!!

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Is it love or are you experiencing an addiction?

Make space in your life for love to truly exist and your addiction to simply be a beautiful piece of your story of discovering true and unwavering love.

 

“But I love him….”

How many times have you heard yourself think this statement? How many times have you spoken it out loud? You picture in your head all the things that were not okay in your relationship and remember in your heart how emotionally unsafe and unseen you truly felt. You know in your gut that you are better off continuing to move forward and never look back.

Yet, you can’t seem to stop obsessing on that one sticking point, you love him.

It’s the thought that keeps you up at night. The feeling that grips at your heart threatening to tear you apart. The obsession that keeps you confused and unable to truly let go and begin a life that is truly your own. Your love for him seems to overshadow every single truth and knowing you are aware of. That voice in your head keeps telling you that love is supposed to conquer all. That you simply should not let it go because to love someone this strongly is rare and doesn’t just go away.

Does this sound familiar to you at all?

For those of you that were engaged in a relationship with any sort of emotional, physical or mental abuse or even a relationship in which you simply didn’t feel emotionally safe or respected, what you are feeling is not actually love. What you are feeling is a detox from the addiction that was helping to fill the empty space within your heart.

If you are still pining over a past relationship filled with pain, then I am asking you to look within yourself and wonder why you are longing for a return to that pain and calling it love.

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