For as long as I can remember, I have had this part of me that wants to change the world. I can remember being a very young child, loving so deeply and feeling the pain of the world on my shoulders and in my heart. I would cry about the unfairness faced by certain people and the mistreatment of others. I couldn’t understand why those around me didn’t seem to be as outraged and heartbroken as I was. Was there something wrong with me? Did I not really understand what it meant to love?
Over time, I started to believe there absolutely was something wrong with me. I was told that I was too sensitive, had too many standards, and needed to lighten up. It seemed as though everyone around me was going with the flow and taking life as it was, so why couldn’t I? Why did I always have to be the one that felt uncomfortable when someone said something I found offensive, yet made others laugh? Since I was the odd one out, I believed it was me and I gave up the fight.
A part of me went to sleep, shut down, closed off. I was tired of feeling alone in the world and carrying so much pain. I wanted to let go and be free, just like everyone else seemed to be. I tuned out and chose to walk blindly and lightly through life. And for a while, this felt pretty darn good. Life became simple and fun, and I lived in a self-created bubble.
Then came the day when I woke up feeling weary and disconnected from myself because it appeared that I had become numb. I had gone from being able to feel so deeply to not being able to feel at all. My heart had grown cold and distant and my inability to access it terrified me. I longed to be connected in the way I was before and had no idea how I was ever going to find my way back to this part of myself.
Perhaps this is why I now feel so committed to my purpose of infusing love into the world. See, it took some time, but I was able to find my way back to that deep and knowing part of me. The me that feels another’s pain so intensely that I can literally get physically nauseous inside when someone else is hurting. The me that wants nothing more than to positively impact the world and those around me. The journey is a lot more painful from this angle and there are days I feel as though my heart will literally break into pieces with all the suffering of the world.
But here’s the thing…
I wouldn’t change this path for anything because I know what it is not to feel at all. To be numb and blind. To be cold and distant. I know what it is to not be living authentically and to be denying important parts of myself their existence. To be disconnected from my purpose and my higher-self. I have travelled my past so that I can live my present and future.
As someone who has taken the journey, I want to share with you that your willingness to allow love to lead you in your life is worth the risk of any pain that may result. See, feeling emotions along the entire spectrum, good and bad, is so much better than not feeling at all. I know it is scary and that fear can grab on tight, but step by step you will come back to life and expand into life in ways that you can’t even imagine. It is in the choice to love that you will find the magic and beauty in life.
With love and joy,
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