Do the details really matter?
I remember what it felt like to get caught up in the details after my marriage ended. I would zone in on every single thing that my Ex would do, break it apart, analyze it, and come to a conclusion of why whatever just happened was the reason that I was in so much pain. I would think to myself, of course, I am struggling to move on so much, look at the details of my story.
Why did I believe that my story was so much worse than your story, or even my Ex’s story? Why did it matter so much to me that I own and commit to that story and share it with anyone who would listen?
When we get so far inside of ourselves, it becomes really difficult to see things from any other view besides the pained and rejected lenses we are viewing the world through. We commit so fully to the details of our story that suddenly it is all we can see. Think about it, if your narrative is that you have been abandoned and thrown aside and that your Ex is heartless and uncaring, you are only going to see actions that prove your story right. Your mind will not allow you to see otherwise, even if it is staring you right in the face.
Then, your next step will be to share the details of your story with the world so that you can receive confirmation and validation that you are in fact right. This is because there is a part of you that is urging you to see that the details of your story don’t matter quite as much as you think they do. A part of you is pulling you toward opening up to love and being willing to see everything, including your Ex and the situation, through the lenses of love and kindness. This part of you knows that this is the only way in which you will ever be able to grow. The only way for you to one day truly claim your joy. Yet, you are committed to your story and the details provide you with just enough fuel to keep your fire burning.
What makes the details of your story so much worse than anyone else’s or even your Ex’s story?
Your commitment to being right and justified with your feelings and your actions by hooking into the details of what you’ve experienced is not only fueling your fire, but it is also holding you back from healing. Here’s the thing, no matter what behaviors your Ex acted out, he too has his own story and his own perception of how your relationship has gotten to where it is. Whether it is true or not doesn’t really matter because most likely, the details of his story are very true to him. You can spend all your energy trying to prove him wrong, make him wrong, and force him to see it your way OR you can use your energy to create your own NEW story of your choosing.
Your story is simply that, a story. It can be changed at any point along the way and it can be changed by YOU. You can make the choice to remain in the past and live out the details day after day, year after year, OR you can make the choice to let go and move on to creating new details for your future.
We all have a story
Every single one of us has traveled through hard times and have had to overcome obstacles. Some of us have faced bigger challenges than others, but then should that mean that you get to be the bigger victim?
I believe that none of us wants that!
I believe that we all want to take ownership of our lives and once and for all let go of ever being a victim again.
Here’s the thing though…You cannot be empowered and a victim at the same time!
You can let your past be your excuse and live there forever, or you can let it be your reason for rising. And guess what…there is no prep for this. Right now, you get to say “NO MORE” and change your story. There is a great meme going around that if at any time you do not like what is happening in your life, simply yell “PLOT TWIST” and move on.
So, the question is…. What will you do to change the plot of your story?
Are you ready for your very own PLOT TWIST???