Tag Archives: self help

Who Do You Think You Are?

Who do you think you are?

This is a voice from my childhood, a voice that reminded me that I was too big, too sensitive, too outspoken, and too bright. The voice that put me in my place and taught me to play it small, stay in the shadows, and constantly prove my worth.

This is the voice I hear in my head now whenever I attempt to stretch my boundaries. Whether it be to accomplish my dreams or allow myself to rest, I hear myself wondering just who do I think I am.

We all have these voices inside of us, these messages that we received when we were little and internalized in only the way a child can. We gave these messages meaning, created stories and beliefs around them, and constructed our life choices from this place. As children, these were survival strategies that got us through whatever childhood challenges we faced. Survival strategies are a brilliant and intelligent way that we as human beings navigate the world. They work wonders, until they don’t. Eventually, as we feel the pull to grow and evolve, these strategies no longer work. Rather than helping us to navigate successfully through our lives, they become the source of breakdowns and pain. What once was effective is now something to be transformed.

As I sit in an attempt to stretch my boundaries of self-care and self-allowance, I am faced with my own internal strategy of performing and doing as a way to earn my worth and enough-ness in this world. What my soul needs right now is to rest and to be in a state of nothing-ness. To give myself the freedom to just be, as is, just me. What I must dance with is the extreme discomfort and tugging of that part of me that needs to keep moving and doing. The part of me that struggles to see that she is enough and her worth is her divine right. The part of me that has nothing to prove. The part of me that has kept me in constant motion, sometimes at super hero speed, to be and do everything.

And so now comes the work. The part where we must sit in the discomfort and welcome in all of the painful and uncomfortable feelings we work so hard to silence and keep away. To hold ourselves with love and acceptance, allowing the pain to arise and the feelings to be seen and expressed. To stay with this part of ourselves, for as long as it takes, as she grieves, heals, and moves forward. To have the courage to dive in and do this dance that will eventually set us free and connect us to the deeper truth and knowing.

Who do you think you are?

This voice of my childhood that has influenced my choices in staying in the shadows and playing small. This voice that has prevented me from choosing to rest and just be. This voice that was once painful and something I pushed away.

Well now… now it is a powerful voice that I welcome.

Who do I think I am??

I am Worthy!

I am Enough!

And as I sit in the vast space of nothing, I realize that I am everything.

With love and joy,

Jenn

 

 

 

 

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Creating with Tiny Devotions

 

An Interview with Tiny Devotions
It isn’t often that I come by a company that I am inspired by and excited to support, so when I do, I want to share it with my warriors! Enjoy…

1.  What is Tiny Devotions?
Tiny Devotions is a spiritual lifestyle brand dedicated to helping our community live a mindful and intentional life. We are a sisterhood of meditating, yoga-obsessed and gem adorned free spirits, lightworkers, healers, and priestesses. We live a life devoted to our purpose and really believe in the power of rituals. We use the moon as our clock and our intuition as our compass. Our inspiration comes from the freedom of nature, and the luxury of gypset.

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Make 2018 a Year to Remember!

Another year had gone while a new year is now upon us. Read on for some ways that you can create an empowering and exciting start to your new year ahead.

 

Another year is gone while a new year is upon us and if you are anything like most, you haven’t done much to prepare for it. Most likely, it feels like it came out of nowhere and along with it, a reminder of all the things you wanted to do but didn’t get done in the year that has passed.

Even though it may not feel like it, there are actually ways that you can create an empowering and exciting start to the new year ahead.

The new year holiday is a time for setting a foundation for the year to come. It represents a symbolic or ceremonial space where you can reflect on the year that has passed, cleanse away anything not serving you, and start fresh in a thoughtful and intentional way.

Most of us will sort of sleepwalk through this time of the year. We may randomly pick some resolutions that we feel guilty about and convince ourselves that we are going to make them a priority in the new year. Since we know that most new year resolutions don’t make it past January, we are basically setting ourselves up for failure and starting off the year feeling like shit about ourselves. And then we wonder why we aren’t achieving our goals and living the life we desire, right?

If we instead embrace this time of year as a space for reflection, cleansing, and starting fresh, we set ourselves up to feel good and in turn, to win.

So, what exactly does it mean to reflect, cleanse, and start fresh?

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Are You Making the Choice to not Choose?

Each and every moment you are making decisions. Be intentional in creating choices that will resonate with the desires of your heart.

 

Each and every moment of each and every day, you are making a decision. Whether or not you are conscious of these decisions and being thoughtful about the process, the fact remains, you are in a constant state of decision making, sorting through choices, and sifting through possibilities.

My experience has been that most of us go through our lives forgetting this fact. We trick ourselves into believing that we have no choice at all and therefore, no way of altering situations in our life. We travel through our days without even considering the endless possibilities that lie in front of us, hypnotized by the path we have walked thus far and our beliefs about what it all might mean.

So, what if we opened ourselves up to the idea that we not only have the ability to choose, but we also possess the power to do so? What if every single step you took was impressed with intention, consciously put forward by the deepest part of your soul. What if life happened FOR you, the universe laying at your feet the road you are meant to travel. What might this shift in perception mean for you?

I think sometimes we avoid claiming our power to choose out of fear of making bad choices. Afraid of going down the wrong path, we instead remain on the undesired path simply by default. We become a victim of circumstances, believing things are beyond our control.

Well, this is, in fact, a choice. A choice to walk blindly, a choice to forfeit our power, a choice to remain on the path of least resistance.

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Are You Running Nowhere Fast?

There are many things we do to distract ourselves from processing the bad stuff we experience daily. My hunch is that you have been running nowhere fast.

 

Let’s face it, the bad stuff just doesn’t really feel good at all. It is not appealing to think about facing those feelings that seek to cause you discomfort and heartache. Face those thoughts that dredge up old memories. Look at those deep dark places within you that threaten to expose your most vulnerable parts. The bad stuff starts to surface and the instinct that rises to the surface is to run and find a way to make those feelings go away.

There are so many things we do to run away. There is denial, destruction, avoidance, over-indulgence, and even depression. We find whatever ways we can, whether consciously or not, to avoid having to feel all that bad crap and keep ourselves moving forward.

What makes this worse these days, is the focus on thinking positive. We have gotten to this place where everyone seems to have the same answer for anyone’s problems…”Just think positive.” It’s almost a sign of weakness or something if you make an attempt to go into the yucky stuff that may be surfacing. And yes, focus and mindset are a major component in succeeding at any goal and a big part of what I teach all of my clients.

So that begs the question of what you are supposed to do when the inevitable moments of feeling the bad stuff come up. Can you just positively think your way out of having to face them?

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Why You Must Be Open to Receiving Help

Make the choice to work with a coach, a mentor or a therapist. Empower yourself the gift of living to the potential you have been created to live.

 

I have noticed that most people associate the act of seeking out a coach, mentor, therapist, or counselor with times of being in crisis. The idea of seeing someone doesn’t even occur to most until there is an experience of pain and discomfort, a struggle to find their way through a challenge or catastrophe. I notice this when parents question whether or not to place their children in therapy or counseling, worrying that this may somehow be a negative experience in their life. Or when couples wait until they are no longer speaking or not having sex to begin counseling. While times of crisis are absolutely important times to seek out help, I have always viewed the helping field in a very different way.

Making the choice to work with a coach, mentor, therapist, or counselor (let’s refer to this as seeing someone), is making the choice to empower yourself in a way that alters your life moving forward. It is a gift of opportunity that allows you to heal, learn, and grow in ways that you are unable to do so on your own. When you can give yourself, or your loved ones, this opportunity PRIOR to a crisis, you are giving yourself/them the gift of preparation, a readiness to deal with whatever comes your way. Having tools and support prior to challenges and crisis allows you to navigate your way through life in a more empowered and effective way.

As I have gone through my life, I have ventured in and out working with therapist, counselors, mentors, and coaches. Each one has provided me with knowledge and tools, and each one has allowed me to understand myself in a different and deeper way. I have worked with someone in times of crisis, as well as times when all is good in my world, and each has provided a very different experience.

When working with someone while in crisis, the focus is usually on the issue at hand and therefore my thinking, perception, and openness have been less open. We often times get so caught up in the stress and pain of a problem that we are unable to see past through it. Our view becomes limited and therefore our ability to learn and to grow becomes compromised as well. Working with someone through a crisis is absolutely beneficial and there are times in my life that would have gone very differently had I not had the support and guidance of a mentor.

When working with someone while life is just flowing along, the work I have done has been much broader. It is during these times that my ability to explore within myself is much greater, and I am able to see the big picture in a clearer way. Being able to work on personal development while not in pain and/or stress was an opportunity for me to learn tools and practice implementing them in a safe and non-pressure way. And it is through having this experience that I have felt better equipped and more empowered to handle life’s challenges as they come my way.

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Change Is So Freaking Easy….Right!!

Make a decision to start your journey of change. Commit to take daily actions and let go of your fears that are holding you back from achieving your dreams

 

Change is easy, right?

I mean, you make the decision that you want to change, need to change, and then you just do it. You take the necessary steps, one right after the other until you reach your goal of change. There is nothing else to it… make the decision, take the steps, enjoy the benefits.

So then, what’s the problem??

Change is probably one of the absolute hardest things for most people to wrap their heads around. As humans, we seek out the comfort and stability of what we know, what we are used to. It makes us feel safe. It makes us feel secure. We prefer comfort and security so much over the unknown and change that most people will remain in the unhappiest of situations for way too long, possibly forever. The unhappiest of situations is somehow less frightening, less overwhelming, than the uncertainty of what’s ahead. 

Overall, we would rather be miserable than face the unknown.

When you read this, are you shocked? Or does a part of you secretly relate to what I am saying, knowing on some level that it is true? I imagine you are being reminded of the promises you have made to eat healthy, the exercise routines you committed to in the past, the toxic relationships in your life that eat away at your soul. Some of you have probably been quitting your soul sucking job for years or leaving a loveless marriage for decades, yet you can’t seem to get further than a few Google searches and possibly a couple of conversations with friends. Each and every day, the act of staying where you are drains the life right out of you, your tradeoff for not having to move forward into a life of unknowns.

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Abandoned…Deserted…Left Behind. Is This You??

left behind

 

Abandoned…. Deserted…. Left behind….

These are the terms I hear so many women use to describe how they feel after a divorce or break-up, even from those who were the ones to leave. There is shock around watching their significant other move on with their life in a quick and seemingly painless manner. There are endless thoughts about whether or not they ever really mattered, if they were ever really loved. There is question after question about how someone they believed in so much could simply abandon everything they had.

Abandoned…. Deserted…. Left behind….

When I hear these terms I feel something inside me stir. I have felt these feelings tear through me like a knife, endlessly ripping away at my heart, and wondering how I would ever mend the wounds that were created. These feelings ate away at me in a manner that I couldn’t seem to escape. I obsessed about it to the point of making myself sick, falling to my knees endless nights asking “Why?” “Why?”

The answers never seemed to come, no matter how many times I asked and no matter how hard I tried.

Until one day they did and I understood why there was so much pain.

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Are You Guilty of Being Delusional?

Most of us after a breakup are delusional enough to create a past that doesn't actually exist. Then we easily fool ourselves and lay the blame on us

 

An interesting thing happens when you are grieving the loss of love. Facts about your life that were at one point so clear suddenly become distorted. You begin to remember things that weren’t there and forget things that were.

When my marriage ended, I was very clear about the reality of the relationship I was in. I knew in the deepest part of my soul that I was in a highly toxic situation and that removing myself and my son was the absolute best thing for us all. My knowledge of the facts was clear, so clear that I journaled my whole way through the process, providing myself written proofs of the truth of my situation.

And then time went by and somehow reality took on a new form. I would think back and only seem to remember the good times and would make those good times seem even better than they actually were. When I did recall the bad times, I would remember them as not so bad. My thought process would center around those bad times being my fault and me actually making my relationship worse than it really was. I actually began to believe that my Ex would have been a different person if I would have been different.

Eventually, in my mind, I went from leaving a toxic relationship to losing an amazing man. My mind and heart were creating a story of the past that simply was not real and delusional, and I was torturing myself at every turn.

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How to Get Through the Dreaded Year of Firsts!

How to Get Through your Dreaded Year of Firsts! It's important to have someone who can give you the tools you need to take back ownership of your life

 

Your marriage has ended and now it is time for you to begin learning to live a new life, a life that seems foreign, and a life that you probably felt you have been plucked into without any warning. . Whether you have ended your marriage by choice or not, having to recalibrate and learn new ways of being will be a reality for all. There will be holidays, tasks and responsibilities, places, and people that will all seem new and unreal. You will be challenged and triggered along the way as you attempt to steady yourself along unsteady ground. You will feel scared and unsure as you begin to root yourself into this new way of being. You may cry out against the unfairness of it all as you struggle to learn new skills and create new memories.

I remember being in this place like it was yesterday. I remember feeling slighted by the deck of cards life seemed to have handed me. Learning to live my life completely on my own without someone there to run things by or pick up the slack was terrifying to me. I felt lost, I felt scared, and I felt pissed. Mixed in with that was my struggle to experience life on my own, a life that kept going on, day by day, even though it sure felt to me like life should just stop right in its tracks. Every holiday that came, every person I faced, and every place that I went served as a reminder to all that I had lost and the uncertainty of what lies ahead.

About 4 days after my Ex and I separated, I celebrated my 34th birthday. That painful night would mark the first of too many firsts that I would have to experience. Little did I know that hole in my chest, that feeling like something was missing, that sense of being off balance would pop up over and over throughout the next year.

Going through all of this was painful and scary, but along the way I learned and I grew. With each day that passed, I discovered tools, techniques, and wisdom that helped to empower me and make me stronger. I found a steadiness and truth that resided in my heart, and I know now, I would not have found this had I not gone through that challenging year of firsts.

And so today, I want to share what I learned so I can help you as you make your way through your year of firsts.

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