Do you struggle with knowing how to decipher your head from your heart?
Do you find yourself unsure about the relationships you are in, or the ones you are considering, and have no clue what to do?
Do you ignore those little instinctual feelings, the voice that gives you a warning, talking yourself out of following your own inner guidance?
There once was a time when I would have answered “Yes” to every one of these questions. I struggled in my relationships, unsure of why I didn’t feel like I could fully be myself and questioning what was wrong with me. I didn’t know how to trust my instincts and would question myself at every turn.
As you can imagine, this got me into a ton of situations that did not serve me and kept me invested in toxic relationships for far too long. I was basically sacrificing my own peace and happiness because I hadn’t learned how good relationships were supposed to feel. Convinced that it must be something I was doing wrong, I would expend so much energy and effort trying to adjust and make allowances for the things that didn’t feel good or right in my heart.
And I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt right now, that plan did not work at all. I stayed in a toxic marriage way too long and even convinced myself to attempt a reconciliation. I dated men who didn’t align with me and the journey I was on. I even created and invested in superficial relationships that didn’t serve me or the other person. I was spinning my wheels trying to figure out how I was supposed to decipher between the feelings in my heart and the thoughts in my head whenever something felt off while my mind convinced me that I must be crazy.
As I talk with clients, I see so many women struggling through the same thing when either dating a new partner or considering a reconciliation with a past partner. They find themselves confused and unclear, not sure of what they are really supposed to do.
I tell my clients that the answer to every question they can ever have is:
Learn to listen and have the courage to follow your intuition, even if it doesn’t make sense where it is leading you.
Developing this level of trust within yourself though takes time, new skills, and practice. It is a process I love to teach and it gets me so excited to watch clients really begin to trust in that inner wisdom. A huge part of this process involves four questions that I believe everyone should ask themselves in every relationship.
- Do you feel emotionally safe and supported?
- Do you feel safe and free to be the full expression of who you are?
- Is this a relationship you would hope for your children?
- If this person were to never change, do you feel fully able to accept them for exactly who they are now?
These questions are extremely powerful in helping you connect with your intuition and the way you answer them can be very eye opening about the relationships you are in and the ones you are considering. Here’s the deal though, you have to trust your answers and have the courage to follow through with what your inner wisdom is telling you.
If you answer “no” to any of these questions, I suggest you stop and consider whether there is work to be done to improve the relationship, or if it is a relationship you need to walk away from.
In the end, we each have our own journey to take and therefore only you can know the answers for where you need to go and what you need to do. Take the time to tune in and listen to the wisdom inside. All the answers are there for you if you only have the courage to listen.