“But I love him….”
How many times have you heard yourself think this statement? How many times have you spoken it out loud? You picture in your head all the things that were not okay in your relationship and remember in your heart how emotionally unsafe and unseen you truly felt. You know in your gut that you are better off continuing to move forward and never look back.
Yet, you can’t seem to stop obsessing on that one sticking point, you love him.
It’s the thought that keeps you up at night. The feeling that grips at your heart threatening to tear you apart. The obsession that keeps you confused and unable to truly let go and begin a life that is truly your own. Your love for him seems to overshadow every single truth and knowing you are aware of. That voice in your head keeps telling you that love is supposed to conquer all. That you simply should not let it go because to love someone this strongly is rare and doesn’t just go away.
Does this sound familiar to you at all?
For those of you that were engaged in a relationship with any sort of emotional, physical or mental abuse or even a relationship in which you simply didn’t feel emotionally safe or respected, what you are feeling is not actually love. What you are feeling is a detox from the addiction that was helping to fill the empty space within your heart.
If you are still pining over a past relationship filled with pain, then I am asking you to look within yourself and wonder why you are longing for a return to that pain and calling it love.
Think about someone who has an addiction to any sort of drug or alcohol and try for a moment to get inside their mind. That drug is serving to fill a void within them, a pain point that they are unable to touch and have yet to heal. That drug or drink is serving a very important purpose in their life and gets to the point where the very thought of life without it is devastating and intolerable. If they eventually decide to get clean and know how much better their life is without their addiction, that intense longing and overwhelming need for their drug or drink of choice can be all consuming for inevitable amounts of time. It can feel as though their life is over and they will never be free again.
It’s the same with your past painful relationship. It is a call for you to look inside yourself and find the void it is filling in you, and the pain point you have been unable to touch and have yet to heal. That relationship, as unhealthy as it may have been, was serving a very important purpose in your life in helping you to not have to look at something in yourself. Now that it is gone, there is only one cure to detoxify from your addiction, to heal your own wounds and to find your own worth.
Replace Your Addiction with True Love
I can tell you this … Once you truly do heal your wounds and own your worth, you will no longer tolerate any sort of unhealthy or toxic relationships in your life. You will not long for a person who chooses behaviors that are not in alignment with love and kindness. You will value yourself so highly and love yourself unconditionally with such abandon that you will see, as clear as day, that true love is not painful or toxic.
You will know and feel in the depth of your soul that love feels good and love is safe. That love is an overflow of fullness, rather than an answer to a void. That love is truly about growth and allowing one another the space to thrive. That love is created within you and aligned with those who create within themselves as well.
“But I love him…”
If you never want to think that thought or hear yourself utter those words again, the answer is to look within and ask yourself why you are longing for pain and calling it love. Have the courage to heal your wounds, the power to own your worth, and the forgiveness to love yourself again.
Make space in your life for love to truly exist and your addiction to simply be a beautiful piece of your story of discovering true and unwavering love.