One of the things I remember most from the years after my divorce was this sense of feeling stuck. When my marriage ended, I truly found myself on a mission. I was in pain, overwhelmed by more feelings than I can count, heartbroken beyond all measure AND I was determined to get through all of this in a way that would allow me to grow and expand. So, I jumped into the most intense personal growth journey I had ever been on.
Sounds great, right? I mean, isn’t this exactly what you are supposed to do? Not jump into a new relationship, not just shut down and close off, and not numb your pain in any possible way. Instead I was doing yoga, meditating, journaling, reading, going to therapy. I was doing chakra cleanses, energy work of every kind, and I even did a ceremonial burning of certain memorabilia from my marriage as a way to cleanse my heart.
I was doing all the “right” things, so why the heck was I not healing? Why the heck did I continue to feel so stuck?
How many of you feel this way? You follow all the advice you are given, read the books, have the therapist and yet you still spend each day feeling completely stuck and unable to pull yourself out to get where you want to be. And what’s worse, the more time goes by, the more stuck you seem to get. That tightness around your heart, weighing you down and pulling you backwards is there, even in your happiest of moments every day.
If you are anything like I was, you are beating yourself up about this now as well. Wondering what the heck is wrong with you and why you can’t just move on. Your inner critic is having a field day and confirming every single doubt you have ever had about yourself. How the heck can you be doing all of this work and still not be moving on?
Because deep down inside you are choosing to be stuck, and here is why…
You would rather stay stuck in the pain of the past, because at least that means you get to hold on to him, and without him, you are nothing at all.
You have made your identity so much about him, about being a part of this couple that you’d rather remain stuck in that painful place that keeps you connected to him, rather than to let go and feel the emptiness of who you are without him.
As long as you remain stuck, you get to remain in relationship with your ex. It may not be the type of relationship you desire. As a matter of fact, it is probably the most awful relationship you have ever been in at this point, but it is still relationship. You get to continue to identify everything about who you are and what you do around him. The details may have changed, but by staying stuck, he continues to remain the center of your universe.
Why are you doing this?
Let’s be honest here, feeling emptiness, feeling nothingness is a lot worse than feeling pain, because at least when we are feeling pain, we are feeling. If you were to finally let go, you would have to face your own emptiness and your own nothingness. You would truly have to stand in your own truth, that you had built your identity around another human being and abandoned yourself in the process.
Have the Courage to be Unstuck
As someone who has stood in that place, there is nothing more painful than that moment and facing that truth. It is awful. But you know what, once you do, once you have the courage to stand there, own it, feel it, mourn it, you then finally have the ability to let go and move on. Staying stuck no longer serves any purpose in your life and you are free to create your own identity. Free to be who YOU are meant to be in this universe, without your ex, without anyone at all.
What do you think? Do you have the courage to face your own emptiness? Do you have the courage to feel your nothingness so that you can fill yourself up and become everything you have been created to be?
With Love and Joy,
P.S. I am here to help you through this and give you the tools, support, and accountability you need to face your own truth and be successful in finally creating the life you are here to live. If you are ready to truly put yourself first by investing in your dreams, schedule your appointment for a complimentary breakthrough call and let’s get to work!!