For as long as I can remember, I have had this part of me that wants to change the world. I can remember being a very young child, loving so deeply and feeling the pain of the world on my shoulders and in my heart. I would cry about the unfairness faced by certain people and the mistreatment of others. I couldn’t understand why those around me didn’t seem to be as outraged and heartbroken as I was. Was there something wrong with me? Did I not really understand what it meant to love?
Over time, I started to believe there absolutely was something wrong with me. I was told that I was too sensitive, had too many standards, and needed to lighten up. It seemed as though everyone around me was going with the flow and taking life as it was, so why couldn’t I? Why did I always have to be the one that felt uncomfortable when someone said something I found offensive, yet made others laugh? Since I was the odd one out, I believed it was me and I gave up the fight.
A part of me went to sleep, shut down, closed off. I was tired of feeling alone in the world and carrying so much pain. I wanted to let go and be free, just like everyone else seemed to be. I tuned out and chose to walk blindly and lightly through life. And for a while, this felt pretty darn good. Life became simple and fun, and I lived in a self-created bubble.